09 June 2025
How sandi lives her life, when consistent with sandi's profession of faith, will put sandi as a believer at odds with the culture in which sandi lives.
How does sandi handle it when her faith puts me at odds with the culture?
there are times I speak up. There are times I say nothing. I keep living my life going about my day praying. It's more important for me to keep my peace than fan of flame.
20 May 2025
some thoughts. . .
just want to share a little about what has been goin' on this past week with me.
on 12 May 2025, i injured my right lower leg. when i was falling, i could hear 3 distinct pops. and i just knew i had blown out my knee. after a while i was taken to hospital and waited in the ER waiting room a few hours. all this time, the pain was excruciating. my daughter had come and got me there. we sat together and waited. i am so very thankful for my daughter who helped me that day. as i waited, i struggled to focus my mind on Yeshua. for the thoughts runnin' thru my head were all negative. i wondered and wondered and contemplated. it was a struggle to see past what i was feeling and the pain. as i sat there in the wheelchair cuz i could not bare any weight on my right leg at all, i did my best to thank God for my daughter, for not being alone when i fell, and the presence of God i was doin' my best to stay in.
my dauhter encouraged me to find some insurance so the aftermath could be covered. i had not yet done that. but i was waiting on the finances also. well i did fill it out and my coverage starts 01 June. i can only hope it will cover what i need it to.
after returning home, i took the rest of that Monday to rest and gather my thoughts. God was already makin' sure i had support thru my church family and my daughter. just can't thank God enough for both. Tuesday was another day to acclimate myself to the challenges i had to face. the support i got from my church was swift and food was delicious. 🤠one of them even brought my car home from the barn. a big thanks to 'em.
i have to say that not bein' able to get up and go to my work has been hard. i love what i do and i enjoy bein' there. i have felt sadness becuz i can't be there. i miss "scoopin' the poop"🤠. i miss the people. some of the best people i've met. and my bosses r the best. can't say thanks enough for all they have taught me.
so today i decided to remove the temporary cast and wash the lower right leg and let it breathe. after that i decided to move around very carefully before sittin' on my couch and crochet. workin' on a cow lovey. i had placed my legs on some pillows that kept my feet above my heart. as i moved to get in a comfy position, i noticed that the toes of right foot didn't move much, if at all. i can feel them but i cannot move them. i just kept crocheting and trying every once in a while to move the toes.
finally i stopped crocheting and reached for my right foot. i moved my left hand over the toes and separated each toe. i had sensation but i really couldn't feel the toe and it was the worst on the last two. even now, i can squeeze my toes but cannot lift them to wiggle them. this hit me rather strongly. my thoughts raced thru some scenarios. but Holy Spirit helped me reel in those thoughts and refocus on God's promise to me. and one of those thoughts was: "will i lose my lower leg becuz i can't afford an ortho doc right now?" that one thought was hard to take captive. some other thoughts were: "will i be able to get back to what i love do in', muckin' stalls? and finally: "will i lose what i have now?" all these thoughts wanted to bring me down. they wanted me to lose myself in despair. even now i struggle to let it go. i had to tell myself out loud that God has already prepared the way and my healing has already come. how it plays out will bring God glory. i am content in his hands. i have been here before and God has been faithful!
every thing i am experiencing has already gone thru his filters. he has strengthened me to walk this out for his glory. my flesh, my thoughts, my emotions will align with him so i can walk with him thru this. i am trainin' my spirit and thoughts to respond with thanksgiving and quietness so i can hear Daddy speak. in fact i have some really good examples to draw from: ms. amy and pastor paula. two very special people in my life. i am not alone in this. i have so much to gain and to give. who knows i might be a blessing to somebody else goin' thru something.
so i just positioned my right leg on top of my left knee and am holding my foot at a right angle. it hurts. and i can see the veins top of my foot. flexing my foot i feel the muscle move where leg rests on left knee. lookin' at my toes willing them to move but they don't. i gently flex my right foot and feel it in the bone that was broke.
i wonder how long. but i already know God's answer: "Trust Me." so i rest my leg and quietly say, "I trust u, Daddy."
Sandi
