findin' and keepin' my joy

no weapon formed against me will come to flesh. y? becuz the weapon is already destroyed. i stand in victory lookin' my Messiah in the eye and holdin' the head of my enemy.

Adonai is my protector. Yeshua is my word. by his name alone, all weapons formed against must fail and all words spoken against me will rickashay back to the enemy destroying him. the joy of Adonai causes all of the enemies stuff and words to become null and void.

recently i struggled with finding my joy. i know joy is something that comes from deep within. something else comes from deep within as well - sadness - especially sadness from losin' someone u love. it matters not whether by death or divorce or estrangement, it's still losin' someone. the enemy knew how i felt about my father's passing. the enemy knew how i felt about losin' my marriage. he has been using it against me and i let him: for a while. little by little God's word snuck in and i would feel deep joy. but becuz i was still entertaining the wrong thoughts, i could hold on to the joy and keep it. no matter what i did.

then a thought occured to me as i listened to the story of how Paul had "a thorn" that would keep him from gettin' all puffed up. as i pondered on Paul's "thorn", Adonai showed me glimpses of how sadness was a stronghold in me for a long time. he told me that i would have bear it as Paul bore his. becuz i, too, am driven to my Adonai every time. and like Paul, i am kept from gettin' puffed up. i have to be determined that each time deep sadness tries to overtake me, i must sing a sacrifice of joy to my Adonai. for it is my Adonai that will cause my deep joy to overthrow the sadness and refocus.

i have experienced a lot this past year. and i know my Adonai has something very special for on the way. so i know that findin' and keepin' the joy planted deep within me is key to me experiencin' all my Adonai has for me. the struggles i face and live thru will help me help others. my sadness becomin' joyous triumph will light the way for others. my weaknesses will strengthen my joy becuz of my relationship with Yeshua. his sadness only lasted for a short time. his obedience allowed the joy to stick within him and now his joy is complete. my joy within comes from knowin' Yeshua as my Messiah and Yahweh as my Adonai. Pastor Toby said it true and clear that Yeshua's joy was in seein' me love him and know him.

everything Yeshua did was becuz of the joy set before him. i am his joy. u r his joy. our sadness tho deep and painful becomes joy when placed in Messiah's hands. even tho sad, a joy that comes from deep within dispells the deep sadness as i, we, focus on the joy set before us. do not look behind. do not look to either side. do not contemplate "what if ...". these steel away the joy subtly. keep lookin' at the prize like Paul and the others did. remember who lived it out in perfect obedience even to death. we, i, too can follow Yeshua in this. tho my "death" may be layin' aside myself and doin' the next right thing. that's all Yeshua did. what he saw Abba do, he did. Yahweh always does the next right thing.

the hardest thing for me was what it cost me. but i no longer count it as loss. i count it as gain. i gained myself when i let myself go. i found myself when i died. i gained everything worth havin' when i counted the cost, looked at Yeshua, and walked away from me. the process of findin' me, learnin' who i am, and knowin' to whom i now belong has not been a cake walk. most times i wad kickin' and screamin', defiant and down right awnery. but Adonai just kept on workin'. and today i am who i am becuz i know whose i am. the journey is far from over. so much ustill live out but i need not worry. my joy cones in knowin' i am Yahweh's special girl and he loves me.

a nugget in its hand

 trouble never comes to someone unless it brings a nugget in its hand.

as i thought about these words, i realized the truth in them slowly taking in the meaning of this statement. i looked back and saw pieces of my life and how these "nuggets" looked so good but in reality were so wrong. trouble doesn't always mean police and/or prison. trouble can be taking what seems better or easier rather than the "harder" way which is actually the better way.

i know people who have taken that "nugget"and had more trouble with destruction and devastation becuz they didn't want to walk where they should. i am one of those i know.

instead of letting truth and right be my guides, i chose selfishness and lies/half-truth be my guides. and what i thought was a good "nugget" turned out to be so bad, i lived in fear and loneliness. so much trouble becuz i chose to ignore what i knew to be right. instead of fighting and standing, i gave in and compromised. everything.

today i am 58 yrs old and walking thru my year of my divorce. what i thought was easier turned out to be harder. so now i am walking in the right way. it has been harder but at the same time easier. how? u ask. i know who i am. i know whose i am. this makes all the difference. i am trusting in my God to fulfill his promise to me. i am seeing proof of his love for me every day. my choice to step back from my will and way has made all the difference. i am actually happy even tho i have little. my life is much more peaceful since i let God remove the toxic things and people in my life. i am so much more now than i was when i did things my way.

trouble never comes to someone unless it beings a nugget in its hand. and today i do my best to refuse the nugget trouble offers. staying the course has opened my eyes to a better and easier way to live a full life. God's word promises that joy comes in the morning. so i choose to walk with my God and Messiah, they will walk with me bringing me peace along the way as i hold in to their hands thru the healing process of letting goof all that hinders me. facing myself i learn what i am made of in Messiah and see the strength i now have that causes my confidence in Yeshua to to grow. i know my journey has made me who i am in Messiah. i know Yeshua is who i will stay with. i now feast with him as i stand victorious over my enemy.

today i see myself feasting on the goodness of my God. the fruit and food is filling and good. i am at peace and content. i know my God will come thru.

all my trouble becomes my victory in Yeshua.

Romans 15:4 says this in the Passion translation:

whatever was written beforehand is meant to i struct Sandi in how to live. the Scriptures impart to Sandi encouragement and inspiration so that Sandi can live in hop and endure all things.

this means that when trouble comes, the nugget must withstand the words spoken by God. if the nugget crumbles under the weight of God's word, run away from it. but if the trouble withstands the weight of God's word take the nugget and place it in God's hands so he can help u thru the time of trouble. do not take the nugget back becuz only God can handle what that nugget represents. the trouble God walks us thru will bring glory to him and victory to us.

God never leaves us to walk alone. even when the feelings say different. grab hold of his promise to u and stay the course. learn how to walk on your knees and stand firmly in place not turning or looking around. the only thing Yeshua needs us to do is look at him, intently and full of purpose becuz God's promises r true.

what an awesome God he is!

where i am

 this is where i am right now. how do i know this is where i am right now? my fleshly me is wanting to "shut down" and do things my way. but i have been practicing a new way of doin' things. and this new way is much better.

in my bathroom, i have a shower curtain i see everyday. it has 4 scriptures on it:

Philippian 4:11; Psalm 9:1; Ecclesiastes 11:9; Philippians 4:4.

each of these scriptures r reminders to me that all i need to do is be content where i am becuz there is joy and happiness to be found in the waiting. and there r times that this requires me to apply each specific promise from God to me in every aspect of my life. when i see "nothing happening" there is actually something happening i can't see with my physical eyes. in the waiting is my training to seeing what God sees. he is training my eyes to not move away from his eyes. his eyes then become my thoughts and my victory. as i go about my day, God's eyes begin to strengthen my hands and my legs to stand more firmly on the Rock of Yeshua.

as i stand on the Rock of Yeshua, i find myself able to resist my fleshly yearnings and desires. God's Word and promises begin to be made flesh. and these promises r at first unseen by the physical eyes. the promises cause me to line up more acutely and accurately with Yeshua. i walk taller, more confident. i am not afraid to let go and let God be God no matter what people say or think. my thoughts and life r more solidly established on the cornerstone of Messiah.

my life is far from perfect. i still struggle. i still have "my days". i still need encouragement and help. one thing i have learned is that my story is not my own. it is God's story. no matter what it contains in the past, God already knows. he allowed it all to happen and now i don't worry about it. i am not the one who can judge rightly and fairly someone else. my story will make a difference and God wants me to live it out loud becuz it is his love story thru me.

 

Ecclesiastes 11:3, 4 (MSG)

When the clouds r full of water, it rains. When the wind blows down a tree, it lies where it falls. Don't sit there watching the wind. Do your own work. Don't stare at the clouds. Get on with your life.

when i read these words, i was struck by how true they r. 

in the last few months, i have gone thru a whirlwind of change. and each step i went thru, i learned something new about myself. i learned the most important lesson of how much God really does love me thru being obedient willingly. the more willing became, the more God revealed himself. and even tho the clouds were still hovering over me, God's blessings were falling thru a little at a time.

each step i have seen the hand of God move in me. He has opened doors i thought were shut. i have seen a strength in me i didn't know i had. each step strengthened my legs and feet. my arms and hands r becoming stronger. i found out that Sandi can stand tall and live free.

today, i tried something new. i quite enjoy it. the sense of accomplishment is both satisfying and joyful for me. i can do what i put my mind to do. the blessings come flowing down in many different ways. the biggest one for me is being sure of what God has promised will be made flesh. i just keep putting one foot in front of the other doing the next right thing and he comes thru. i know my struggles will produce an abundant reward. God's promises r true!

so as i 'do my own work' and 'get on with my life', i am being an active participant in my blessings to come. God can do his thing becuz i am doin' what i can.

a few years ago, i sat on my butt and God had to move heaven and hell to get me to do something becuz of fear and doubt. but not now! i have been freed from that garbage and Yeshua has become not only my Savior but my Lord and King. i do not want to hurt him by being fearful and doubtful. my God shall supply all my needs and guide me where he needs me to go. all i do is keep as close to him as i can and receive the promises as tho they were already fulfilled. i see that when i have done this, things move in the right direction. walking in faith and by faith is an active participation. do i get it right all the time? nope! but i keep moving forward and seeking my Lord Yeshua. he isn't hard to find when i really look. :)

the clouds that have been hovering will soon be removed. when? don't know. but my God is good and i will ride fast and steady on my horse moving with my Lord and resting with him, too. when the wind gets too strong, i will find my shelter in Messiah and just be. my purpose will be fulfilled by his hand alone. i will praise the Lord in the midst of the storm clouds and worship him alone.

so as i get on with my life, ilean heavily on God's wonderful and true promises. i believe these promises and receive them into my life as they become flesh in God's perfect time.

ATTITUDE